“Ontario To Fund In-Vitro Fertilization”

On seeing the headline “Ontario To Fund In-Vitro Fertilization” in the National Post, it first seems like a triumph for IVF patients, and possibly once the formal announcement is made this will be a very positive thing for many heterosexual couples who desperately want to have children and cannot without the help of fertility treatments.

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But with all the positive, there is already negative coming from this article.  Who will get the golden ticket that will fund the $10,000 treatment per IVF round, who will be excluded as they are not seen as having “Infertility” because they are a single women or a same sex couple. Is infertility really a disease?  What other medical resources could better be funded by this money?  Why not just adopt?  So many questions with so many different answers from so many different point of views.

After many years spent in the world of infertility I have learned that nothing comes without controversy and judgment from others about the choices that we as “Infertile” people make when it comes to creating our families.

Pregnancy Test

We are accused of waiting to long to have children and that is why we need fertility treatments.  This is such an ignorant statement, many of us did not wait and after many, many years of trying yes we got older, and finally turned to fertility treatments for help.  Some of us knew that we would need the help of clinics but financially could not afford it until we were older and then again some of us were in our 20′s and early 30′s and needed the help.  My husband and I got married at the age of 28, and we started trying to have children right away, it was not until we were in our mid 30′s that we were finally successful with the help of fertility treatments.  Placing us all under a microscope and making the conclusion that we are infertile for the same reason is simply nonsense.

 

We are judged for not adopting children who are already needing homes, but those who judge this can never know the heart ache and mental anguish that comes from not being able to reproduce.  Yes it may sound selfish but it is human instinct to want to create a likeness of yourself, at least that is my opinion, and how I felt.  So we did not adopt, I reproduced and created new humans.

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Really I could go on and on ranting about why as an infertile person getting funding is a good thing, IF it is shared with all, not just  heterosexual couples who are under 35.  Give it to same sex couples and single moms by choice as well.  It will cause an entirely new level of discrimination in the realm of infertility.

But then again if I was a parent who had not experienced infertility and my child had an illness that needed medical funding to help I would probably be frantically opposing this and screaming at the government to give the money to my cause, to cure my child and not to spend it on something that is clearly not seen as life and death.

CONTROVERSY!!!!!!

My Babies

My Twins

Oh Yeah and one more thing, We had twins so we are part of the problem on the medical system that has to deal with all the multiple births due to fertility treatments.  Yup, we are that bad.  We are the selfish people who wanted children with genetic ties and we ended up with twins….I will also admit to my evil self serving desire to be pregnant and give birth……….

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Posted in 40 year old mom, anonymous sperm donor, ART, Assisted Human Reproduction Act, Assisted Human Reproduction Canada, Assisted Reproduction, Azoospermia, Canadian Law, Donor Conceived, Egg Donor, Embryo's, GENdMOM, Infertility, IUI, IVF, judgement, Male Infertility, National Post, OHIP, Ontario funding IVF, same sex couples, Single Moms By Choice, SMC, Surrogacy, twins

“Delivery Man”

I’m not really sure how I feel about sperm donation being made into comedic movies, and to be honest I stay away from them, but I like Vince Vaughan so maybe????? What about everyone else, how do you feel about this and other movies that have been made portraying families created using sperm donors?

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Posted in anonymous sperm donor, Delivery Man, DI Baby, DI Child, DI Mom, DI Siblings, DI Story, DNA, Donor Conceived, Donor Offspring, Donor Sibling Registry, DSR, GENdMOM, Half-Sibling, Hollywood Movie, Infertility, Male Infertility, Single Moms By Choice, Sperm Bank, Sperm Donor, Vince Vaughan

DNA, Genetics and Half-Siblings are all we have to put the Puzzle Pieces together!

Finding half-siblings for my kids has been very important for me, in truth it is why I started blogging, in almost every post I would put our donors number (BGM 9581 by the way) and it is why I joined the DSR (Donor Sibling Registry) before my first was even born.  I feel I have been lucky enough to find two half-sibs. One on the DSR, and one because of my blog.  I know that there are at least 25 reported births as of earlier this year, but unfortunately Xytex has decided to stop giving out the number of births per donor to us parents, so my count stops at 25 (knowing I have 3 of the reported.)  I feel a huge chunk of a family missing from my life when I hear that number, because those are children related to my kids, and without even knowing who they are I feel connected to them.  It’s a family tree born out of unknowns, but one that I believe can grow and flourish with love if given the chance.

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I did not realize how connected we all were until I got a message from one of the moms I know who has a 7 year old boy who is the half-brother to our children.  She emailed me to let me know of a medical condition they had discovered, nothing serious or life threatening, but something they had been trying to find answers to for the past 5 years.  I was so happy to receive that email, because as it turns out MJ has been struggling with the same symptoms for the past 3 years and we also have been knocking on doctors doors trying to find out what exactly is wrong and how we can go about fixing it.  It was a relief to hear that the answer was simple and now I feel like I have a positive direction to go in order to get her feeling better.

Of course I know that my children will have half of their genetic makeup and health history missing, let’s be honest the health profile you get from the donors are pretty vague.  For example Sparky and The Boy both have very soft teeth which at the young age of 3 is causing decay.  The dentist told me that it was genetic so I dug put the donor profile and looked to see if there was any dental information.  Here is the extent of the information I received on his dental health and other random Health related information:

Healthy Teeth:  NO

Eyesight: GOOD  (however next line down is: Near or Far Sighted: NEARSIGHTED)

Sinus Infection: YES

Food Allergy:  NO

Hay Fever Allergy: YES

Hernia:  NO

Well you get the idea, lots of YES and NO answers only and no explanation when there is a YES answer.  Also I must say I am extremely impressed with the NOTE/DISCLAIMER they place at the bottom of the “Donor Health Information” section, and I quote:  “The medical and social history was provided by the donor and cannot be verified for accuracy”! Gee that’s reassuring.  But they are very eager to let you know which celebrity the donor most resembles, in our case it’s Vin Diesel, I suppose that’s important to know?

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I know that some of you might be saying “Ya, but didn’t you get that profile before you had the kids, and didn’t you realize how vague it all was?”  The answer is Yes I got the profile. The question should really be “did I really care how vague it all was when I was in the throws of wanting to have a baby no matter what the circumstances were? The answer is NO….I was in a baby making fog, I thought everything would be just fine as long as we loved the baby and made a happy home.  But I digress, that is all babbling’s for future posts (and for previous posts like “D is for Donor Sperm and Decisions”).

It’s like a puzzle that has to be pieced together.  The only problem is not all the pieces come neatly boxed up and available for easy construction.  These puzzle pieces come from many different sources, you have to dig and search to find just one small piece or clue to figuring out the entire picture, and sadly for most the puzzle will never be fully complete.  We all know how annoying it is to being so close to finishing a puzzle to find out that there is one piece missing, imagine if that puzzle had dozens or more missing pieces.  We would take it back to the store and ask for our money back.  As a donor conceived child there are no returns, you are handed this life and it becomes up to you and your parents (hopefully they are willing and eager to help) to find as many of those illusive pieces you can and to put together as much of the picture you can.

puzzle-pieces

That is what I hope I can do for my children.  Gather as much info as possible to help them.  Wether that turns out to be enough is yet to be seen.

I know this post may seem a little happy go lucky and lovey dovey at times with its notions of us all being one big happy family with all the half-siblings and their parents, and I know reality doesn’t always want to work alongside our fantasies, but for a fleeting moment as I write this I can dream can’t I?

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Posted in anonymous sperm donor, Assisted Reproduction, BGM9581, Canadian DI Families, DI Baby, DI Mom, DI Siblings, DI Story, DNA, Donor Conceived, Donor Offspring, Donor Sibling Registry, DSR, Egg Donor, GENdMOM, genetics, Half-Sibling, Infertility, IUI, IVF, Male Infertility, Puzzle Pieces, reported births, Single Moms By Choice, SMC, Sperm Bank, Sperm Donor, Sperm Donor BGM 9581, Uncategorized, Vin Diesel, Xytex

“What to Say When Your Child Asks Where Babies Come From” Especially when those babies are Donor Conceived

I was interviewed for an article in the Canadian Family magazine and although it did not end up being exactly what I thought it would be I hope it is a start for people finding me, those who want to talk and share and ask questions and make the whole donor conception world a little less scary and secretive.

Click the link to read all about it……

What to Say When Your Child Asks Where Babies Come From

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Posted in anonymous sperm donor, Assisted Reproduction, Azoospermia, BGM9581, Canadian DI Families, Canadian Family Magazine, DI Baby, DI Child, DI Mom, Donor Conceived, Donor Offspring, DSR, Egg Donor, GENdMOM, Infertility, Male Infertility, PandeMommium, Single Moms By Choice, SMC, Sperm Bank, Sperm Donor, Sperm Donor BGM 9581, The Bird's and the Bee's

Google+ Community “Families Created using Donor Sperm or Donor Eggs”

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I have created a private Google+ Community called “Families Created using Donor Sperm and Donor Eggs” for Children, Parents, Grandparents, family Members and those who have Donated Gametes so that Families can be created. There is no judgement here, I am neither for nor against anyones choice in regards to wether they used known donors or anonymous donors. I want this to be a place where we can meet as like minded people as we have all chosen the same thing as the parents of donor conceived children and our children are all a result of that. My hope is to be able to meet some really great people and to provide information as I can about relevant news pertaining to DI and all that revolves around it and to also provide a forum where families and individuals who have donated (or those thinking of using or donating gametes) can come and talk and share.

Please check it out and ask to join if you want to be a part of a growing community.

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Posted in anonymous sperm donor, ART, Assisted Reproduction, Azoospermia, BGM9581, DI, DI Baby, DI Child, DI Dad, DI Grandparents, DI Mom, DI Parents, DI Siblings, DI Story, Donor Conceived, Donor Offspring, Donor Sibling Registry, DSR, Egg Donor, Embryo's, GENdMOM, genetics, Google+, Google+ Community, Infertility, IUI, IVF, reported births, Single Moms By Choice, SMC, Sperm Bank, Sperm Donor, Sperm Donor BGM 9581, Surrogacy

Support Group for Women w/ PostPartum Depression

I really believe that we need to talk more and share more about PostPartum (PostNatal) Depression.  It is something that I know many moms do not want to share with others for fear that we will be labeled bad, evil moms.  It is very misunderstood by those who do not suffer from it.  I recently found this great support group on facebook and wanted to share the information with all my readers out there.  If you suffer, please hook up with on the group, it is a very honest platform with absolutely no judgement, just lots of virtual hugs and kisses.

By the way I am not an administrator for the group nor the creator of the group, I am just a mom who is finding refuge in the group!

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The group is fully closed to create a private space for people to talk from the heart without anyone other than members seeing what they write,

The group is supportive and non judgmental

Genuine feel of care and compassion for others

All the members are/have lived with PND

A non professional support network

Postnatal Depression Awareness and Support Group

Postnatal Depression Awareness and Support Page

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Posted in A Mom, anxiety, cipralex, Depression, facebook, Mother's Little Helper, Normal Mom, PandeMommium, panic attack, PostNatal Depression, PostPartum Depression

Grandparents of Donor Conceived Children

I recently read a blog post over at Oliviasview Blog titled “Relative Strangers: what grandparents think about donor conception” and it prompted me to finally write a post myself about the role of Grandparents in the life of Donor Conceived Children.  I have thought about this many times, to be honest most of the time I see my kids with my husbands parents as they are the non-bio side of the equation, and my thoughts are always filled with awe and amazement.  His parents are have been nothing but supportive, loving and extremely present in the lives of our children.  One would think nothing out of the ‘ordinary’ if they were to see the kids interacting with them.

This is their Gramma who is not biologically connected to them. BUT she is the proudest, most loving, accepting, amazing Gramma ever and these kids ask for her and talk about her constantly.

This is their Gramma who is not biologically connected to them. BUT she is the proudest, most loving, accepting, amazing Gramma ever and these kids ask for her and talk about her constantly.

Growing up I had a cousin who was adopted and I always remember my Grandmother treating him differently, I never once saw her show him any affection, as a matter of fact I am not sure I ever even saw her address him directly, and he knew it!  I suppose I had a bit of a fear of something similar happening to my kids.  But to my relief it has not turned out that way.  Perhaps it is the difference in generations and the difference in what makes up a family these days.  Our family makeup is a very eclectic one.  There is divorce on both sides, remarriages, step-sisters, step-moms, step-grandmoms, step cousins, aunties and uncles who are non-bio….and on and on.  So our kids have already been born into a family that has a varied past in blended families and members of the family who are not biologically linked but very much a part of our everyday lives.

A while ago I stumbled across an article that spoke about parents of those who chose to donate sperm or eggs.  I never thought how they may be affected by the notion that there were going to be an undisclosed amount of biological grandchildren born to strangers. Their DNA, their Grandbabies and they would never get the chance to know them, to even know if they existed or not.  I sat with this thought for quite sometime, trying to figure out how I felt about it, that my kids not only had the grandparents they see but that they have an entire family they will never know, not just a biological dad or half-siblings they will never know.  They have aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents.  Then I shut it all off, it is all very overwhelming, and if I feel that emotionally entrenched by it all, I can only imagine how my kids are going to feel as they get older and start to realize the extent of their DNA and the lack of information they will be able to know about it.

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This is a pic that was taken this past Christmas. This is a picture of Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and a Gramma who are not biologically connected to my kids, BUT who are the most amazing people in the world. Our kids are so attached and in love with each and everyone of them!

On another note, and one that caught me pleasantly off guard, there is yet another category of Grandparent in the mix.  I have been in contact with 2 of our children’s half-siblings.  One of the moms is a Single mom and she contacted me so that she would have the information to be able to give to her son if and when he wanted it, she stated that she was not particularly interested in extensive contact.  She did however facebook friend me and through that avenue we are able to share pictures of the children and keep tabs on daily life.  A short while after she friend requested me I got a request from her mother, the Grandmother.  She also was very polite and not wanting to be intrusive be she asked if she might be able to be a facebook friend so that she could also see her grandsons half-siblings growing up.  It struck me that in creating these children using a sperm donor we have thrown a monkey wrench into so many different family scenarios, and I will admit that in making our decision to use a donor I never once thought about the extended families on any level, in my mind it was all about us.

Along my travels through the interwebs I have bumped into the term ‘Epigenetics’, now I am not going to even pretend I am scientific enough to dissect the actual studies behind this term, but I will say that I know on the surface it is about the old argument of nature vs nurture.  For the past 4 years I have closely watched my children and tried to figure out if the traits and mannerisms they are demonstrating are coming from me – nature or my husband – nurture?  As of this day I cannot tell and a lot of the time I wonder if it really matters, does it matter why they laugh a certain way, or stand a certain way?  I could wonder forever, because they have family they will never know, and maybe it is the Mother of their sperm donor who stands like that or laughs like that, a Grandmother they will never know!

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Posted in anonymous sperm donor, Assisted Reproduction, Azoospermia, BGM9581, DC Kids, DI, DI Baby, DI Child, DI Dad, DI Grandparents, DI Mom, DI Parents, DI Siblings, DI Story, Donor Conceived, Donor Offspring, Donor Sibling Registry, DSR, Egg Donor, epigenetics, facebook, GENdMOM, genetics, Grandparents, Infertility, IUI, Male Infertility, nature vs nurture, Oliviasview Blog, Single Moms By Choice, SMC, Sperm Bank, Sperm Donor, Sperm Donor BGM 9581, Surrogacy, Uncategorized
GENdMOM
About Me
Allison Rouble

Allison Rouble

I am a 41 year old Wife and DI Mom to 3 year old B/G Twins and a 4 year old daughter all born using anonymous donor sperm #BGM 9581 from xytex. I live with my wonderful Husband in Ontario, Canada. I am many things other then a Mom. I am a wicked dreamer, a mild mannered skunk hunter, a no nonsense chef, a lover of a glass of wine, a participating wife and a best friend. I started blogging about my crazy life as a mom to donor conceived kids back in 2009 when my first daughter was just 1 and I was trying for baby #2 (which ended up being twins). Now I write at GENdMOM.com about my life and issues having to do with the world of Donor Gametes, infertility, and the mess it can all sometimes be.

However, I discovered I had more to write about then just being a mom of donor conceived kids, I also found that I got great joy from interacting with others about being a Mom, A Wife, A Women, etc. Most importantly I found an online world of friends and family. Therefore I started a

PandeMommium (my other blog) where I talk all things ‘Kids and Crazy’

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